Relationship series entry (4) "Knowing "ONE'S" Place in the Continuum of The Relationship Process”

Original Post (Jan 27th 2010) entry number 4 (Relationship Series)


Affirmation of Friendship and Maintaining “Identified” Personal Commitments: “I Give Myself Permission to have“Women” as Friends in My Life!”


Now obviously, this blog is another in my ongoing series of writings having to do with Relationships and Romantic Relationships. In reading this affirmation, there are several presuppositions that are inherent to the successful implementation of articulating its essence! Obviously, for a woman the affirmation can be turned around. My goal here is to present a basis for my belief that burdensome relational wows can be minimized, or eliminated by looking in the mirror instead of looking at our partner as a savior.

As always, the first order of business is continuing to identify what we believe as individuals, and identifying what stage of the building process we are in. In other words, what works for me, may not work for someone else. Along these lines of thought, MY acknowledgment is that I am continuing the manufacturing process of building (discovering) my life. I prayed a prayer some decades ago; acknowledging to myself, with ALL sincerity, “ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS TOM, ARE YOU CERTAIN YOU WANT TO PRAY THIS PRAYER?” After considering the alternatives, I said YES, and proceeded to ask my maker: “That on the path of life, “I WOULD BE GIVEN THE PRIVILEGE TO “LEARN MY LESSONS WELL!” Albeit, a historically profitable, and sometimes painful path, my prayer has not gone unanswered, and in fact, this writing is a continuation of the process.

Now the catalyst for the content of this particular writing is connected to my chosen path of incorporating various philosophies and teachings that allow me to navigate a eclectic course of learning and living. Accordingly, Don Miguel Ruiz, and respectively, Gary Zukav have been instrumental in my "life process." Don Miguel Ruiz has two wonderful stories in his book “The Mastery of Love.” One of the stories is about a man and a woman who did not believe in love, and the other is about a “magical kitchen. I won’t spoil the story by trying to tell it here, but simply mention that it has something to do with being in a romantic relationship where two people CAN BE totally HAPPY, ALIVE, WHOLE and at PEACE “TOGETHER” without being burdened down with the negativity that so often comes with social conditioning and psychological / emotional bondage, i.e., suspicion, jealousy, anger, manipulation, deceit, fear, and most tragically, spiritual stagnation, and lack of personal peace!

This is where Gary Zukav comes in. Now remember my current continuum of truth, may not work for you the reader, so before continuing, allow me to ask you to consider how strong the outer defenses of your paradigm are! In other words, everyone is ultimately responsible for their own personal paradigm, and if some new thought should shake a pre-established belief or idea that exposes an Achellies heel, the illumination remains their's to navigate! Now to actually understand the basic message and essence of Gary Zukav’s marvelous teaching, there is a need to know first of all that we are not alone. His philosophy teaches that before our birth (while still in our shall we say, heavenly form) we had a sort of round-table meeting with what he calls our Guides and Teachers. Now if you want to understand the totality of Zukav or “catch up” here, you may want to read two of his books, “Seat of the Soul” and “Heart of the Soul." In these books, the reader is introduced to the Earth School where we learn that those things in life that challenge us, are actually blessings. Where relationships comes into this picture is by accepting the fact that during the round table meeting we had with our Guides and Teachers before we “arrived on the scene”, i.e., before we were born, we had already identified the list of “things to accomplish” in this lifetime.

Belief in Gary Zukav's work is not a prerequisite for understanding his work. His message is POWERFUL! The message is that those things that are difficult in our lives; things, or challenges that are fearful or painful for us to “STAND UP TO EMOTIONALLY” are the things that we chose to work on before we came to be in these bodies. So, if relationships have proven to be challenging or difficult for us as individuals, that could be a cue to look at the dynamics of our respective challenges in regard to what we "came to accomplish!" He asks, what are your vices, what are your fears or addictions, what are your relational difficulties, or the triggers to your outbursts and so on... Who are WE in those quiet moments that no one sees? The "growth opportunity" is ours when we consciously CHOOSE to quit running away from the things that cause (or have caused) us difficulty, and "STAND" WILLING to ..WORK ON US, we are then enrolled in the metaphorical “Earth School” You get the picture…

So where does the affirmation come in? For me, its all part of the process of discovery. I know I am still in the relational "Learning Process", and as most everyone even close to my inner circle already knows, in my past I have looked to the women in my life to make me happy by being my savior, or thinking that somehow they were the key to fixing me! I acknowledge that this historically cyclical course of action was (and is) disrespectful for both parties, and instead of creating a home, it creates seemingly impenetrable emotional walls, and one-way streets! Trying to navigate these streets, I have been the recipient, as well as have been responsible for inflicting emotional pain on those “I HAVE TRULY LOVED”, but now it is time for me to live what I am learning, That is, that “ONLY I CAN MAKE ME HAPPY!” If I am looking to someone else to make me happy, then I am being disrespectful to them and need to stay in EARTH SCHOOL 101! Of course one of the key questions is “how long of a class is this EARTH SCHOOL? And when will I graduate? How can I gauge my progress?

There are actually many classes in the Earth School and we know when we have graduated when things that were once painful in our lifes has been replaced with peace and harmony with the Universe; or from a Christian vernacular, with the love of Christ. So in my Earth School class marked "Relationship 101" my final take-home essay is being written; it is a paper about learning how to build friendships and respecting myself and others. My chosen affirmation of opening myself to having women as "FRIENDS" in my life can be likened to walking through a doorway into a new room, a prism of relational light radiating with the attributes of understanding, and relational "peace." The result I am "acheiving" in this rational approach, with the writing of my "Final Exam" for relationship 101, is projecting myself into the future. A future that incorporates the love of the magical kitchen, friendship, conscious choice, and ultimately a spiritual partnership as is masterfully illustrated in the metaphorical Earth School.

In closing, I want to share two quotes, one from Don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements, and the other from Epictetus.

"Find your voice to ask for what you want... The day you stop making assumptions, you will communicate cleanly and clearly" (Don Miguel Ruiz).

"It's much better to die of hunger unhindered by grief and fear than to live affluently beset with worry, dread, suspicion and uncheked desire." (Epictetus aprox 55 A.D.).

Blessings to all, Tom


Related Blogs:

http://universalallegory.blogspot.com/ Ancient Teaching: Understanding Twin Souls / Twin Flames
http://heartsseeker22.blogspot.com/ The blog I started to begin my search for understanding intimate relationships
http://inspirationsofhumanity.blogspot.com/ A blog profiling and honoring Human Inspration
http://heartmatesforever.blogspot.com/ Poetry of Alchemy
http://empathyandpain.blogspot.com A blog I started in honor of my mother